Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
