Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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