You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
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What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
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You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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