u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
