plz talk dirty to me
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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