just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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