I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
