I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
sex in a hospital.. check
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
