wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
