so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
