I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
