If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
FUCK WHALES
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
