Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
