It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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