it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i already hear my dad disowning me
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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