I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
