Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
