Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
there is glitter all over my balls
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
