hell yes lets make some ravioli
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
