Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
