I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.