so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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