Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
