i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.