party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.