She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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