You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.