I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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