i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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