He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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