She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize