I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
