fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
