rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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