I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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