You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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