This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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