remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
