do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
