They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
