dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
