my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You don't make any sense
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