I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
