Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Randomize
