Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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