I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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