If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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