PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
