I want to have your abortion
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
