I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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