Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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