I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
