I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
