I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
