I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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