Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
