An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
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you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
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I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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