Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
worst night to have a conscience
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
