Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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