did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
