how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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