Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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