I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize