If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
