A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
