I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
