Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
