living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
