allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
