she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize