Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize