my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
