Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
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Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
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Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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