Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
