i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
