I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
