Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
