It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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