I'm jealous of your bromance
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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