Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
