Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
